Always The Quiet Ones
by Sanjuno Shori Niko
Summary: Creation moves in cycles, Seeker femmes look just like Seeker mechs, and courtship displays freak out even evil Decepticons. Now Soundwave has to find out why Thundercracker is suddenly so violent... and why Starscream and Skywarp are giggling like that.


Title: Always The Quiet Ones

Transformers: G1 Fanfiction

Author: Sanjuno Shori Niko

Warnings: Crack, as much gender bending as is possible for non-biological entities, character severe beatings and death

Parings: Guess (c'mon, this is _me_ we're talking about here…)

Disclaimer: TF © HasTak, I'm just borrowing them

Notes: Hark, t'was only yester morn' that I dids't come upon mine beloved brain-twin, Katsuko, who lay stricken in a swoon upon her sickbed. Agast, I dids't fall to mine knees at her side and beg to know the source of her ills, "What the slag happened to you?" I asked. "My mojo's gone." My dearest twinlet dids't say in anguish, and appalled to find her in such straights, I appealed to the grace of Primus Below, "What does the dog have to do with it?" So then did Katsuko look upon me in mirth at my heartening presence, and spake in gratitude "A stupid reviewer killed my sex scene." And thus informed I dids't rise in a holy rage, for what foul manner of nether realm troll coulds't lay low my twin-sib in such a manner? "I'll throw something together for you as a feel better present." I swore upon my oath as a fangirl, leaving mine treasured twinling awash in grateful tears, "Thanks, something from you is sure to make me feel better." Was katsuko's heart rending answer, so I dids't journey through the wild hinterlands of El Jay, through the two Bay's of fire, over the mountains of Oh Seas (which is a really funny name for mountains), slogged through the murky swamps haunted by the soul sucking creatures called Mary Sues and struggled through dank caves filled with swarms of typo gnomes and trolls of the worst sort, until at last I came upon the fertile fields of mine destination, tf_bunny_farm. Emerald lands lay before me, a rolling vista teeming with life. With naught but my cherished mind-twins return health in mind, I caught one of the frolicking creatures, and from it's living flesh dids't craft the cure to mine mind-sibs troubles. Behold, the Fanfic.

(Hope this makes you feel better brain-twin!~ )

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**_Always The Quiet Ones_**

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Life had gotten passing strange of late. The Decepticons could feel it in the air; something was going on.

The first sign that something very bizarre was happening on the Nemesis was finding Blitzwing and Astrotrain embedded in the walls of the mess hall. While it was not odd in and of itself to find a mech or two turned into performance art, it was usually the smaller, more annoying mechs like the cassette twins or the Insecticons who had the dubious honour of becoming the artwork in question. So firmly wedged into the wall were the triple-changers that it had taken the joint efforts of all the Constructicons to get them down. Yet when questioned as to the identity of the culprit, the dazed responses were less than illuminating.

"He's crazy!" Astrotrain babbled as Longhaul and Scavenger pulled him down while Scrapper made sure nothing load bearing had been damaged in the removal process, which left an Astrotrain-shaped hole in the wall. Said triple-changer looked close to hysterics, "I didn't touch anything!"

"Never even saw him coming!" A punch-drunk Blitzwing giggled from where he was being propped up by Bonecrusher and Mixmaster. Hook just stared in horror at the crushed remains of the two triple-changer's hands as Blitzwing twitched, "Just goes right for the main fuel line!"

The assembled Decepticons could only look at each other in confusion. Well that was singularly unhelpful, since that description matched up with almost all of the members of the Decepticon Armada.

The second sign that the Nemesis was cruising in the twilight zone was finding the entire Stunticon team in various stages of soundly thrashed and hung from the ceiling of a storage room like a rather macabre and oversized mobile.

"The claws." Dragstrip whimpered, clinging to a shivering Breakdown, "The _claws_."

"He's going to take my optics!" Wildrider hissed, hiding behind a catatonic Deadend.

Motormaster, for his part, was down and out cold.

Megatron was less than pleased to learn that a mysterious assailant was terrifying and decimating his troops. So the order was given. _Find the culprit._

Which was actually harder than it sounds since the victims were all either unconscious or too rattled to provide a coherent description.

But the third and final sign that life as a Decepticon would never be the same again was the sight of Thundercracker – calm, rational, thoughtful Thundercracker – dropkicking Swindle down the corridor just outside the command centre.

All activity on the bridge froze as Thundercracker snarled, ripped off the Combaticon's arm, and then punted the smaller mech into a drop shaft, tossing the dismembered arm after him.

Megatron stared. Soundwave's visor flickered as it rebooted. The Reflector's looked torn between finding a better angle to record from and place to hide. The Coneheads all looked faintly amused. Onslaught looked ready to do some dismembering of his own – but took one look at Thundercracker's face before he decided to grab Blastoff and go drag Swindle to the medbay instead.

Feeling rather like reality had betrayed him – Thundercracker was the _one_ Seeker he could count on to _not_ be completely insane, or at least he _had_ been prior to this moment – Megatron turned to demand an explanation from his treacherous Air Commander as to why, exactly, the blue Seeker had suddenly taken to being violently irrational – only to freeze again. Instead of looking worried, surprised or responsible for his trinemates uncharacteristic behaviour, Starscream was… giggling.

Megatron was sure he felt something in his processor burn out with a _pop_ as he watched a coy, flirtatious Starscream cast admiring, sultry gazes at a murderous looking Thundercracker. Skywarp, for his part, was snuggled up to Starscream, also giggling in addition to darting quick little looks at Thundercracker that made the black Seeker giggle harder and hide his face against Starscream's arm, then Skywarp would peek out at Thundercracker and the whole giggly cycle would start over again.

Glaring at everyone impartially, Thundercracker stalked over to his grinning, chirping wingmates and dragged them out of sight. The image of Starscream – the embodiment of 'do _not_ touch me' – draping himself over Thundercracker like a high priced courtesan would remain forever burned in their collective memories where no amount of fire-walling and memory wipes could _ever_ erase it.

Utterly bewildered – and very much _not_ liking the feeling thank-you-very-much – Megatron turned to look at Soundwave in a mute attempt to have the world start making sense again. For his part, Soundwave noticed his leader's look and just shrugged silently. Megatron would have to look elsewhere for an explanation for Seeker craziness – they were _Seekers_ after all, what did Megatron expect? For them to make sense? Unlikely.

Megatron had a processor ache that was only getting worse with each passing breem. The _one_ Seeker among his crew that the warlord felt possessed some glimmer of sanity had gone careening over the edge without warning. Sometimes, Thundercracker acted normally, and Megatron would just start to think it was over… then Hook would send a casualty count for the solar rotation. The Decepticon's as a whole honestly did not know what to make of it – Thundercracker had landed over half of the Earth-based Decepticon troops in the medbay over the course of the last two megacycles. The Nemesis was beginning to resemble a cult film (who would be _next?_) and that was just taking _Thundercracker_ into account.

The _rest_ of the Seekers seemed to have been infected with some special brand of madness themselves. Ramjet was drifting around with a dreamy little smile on his face. Thrust was a sudden font of dirty jokes and the most in-your-face innuendos known to mech. Dirge had begun improvising poetry and lyrics to work in conjunction with his Sigma ability – needless to say, the Coneheads were being avoided with a religious fervour rarely seen among the primarily atheist ranks of the Decepticons. Skywarp had gone from being a smirking smartaft to a sweet little thing that just _begged_ to be taken advantage of. And Starscream – oh Primus, back-stabbing, vicious, barbed worded Starscream – was all purring admiration and provocative saunter, a sweet temptation that was reminding no few of the Decepticons about one of the more, ah, _risqué_ rumours about how the Air Commander had earned his rank.

For his part, Megatron stayed as far away from the Seekers as he could while living in the same base. Forget the fact that the almighty Slagmaker feared nothing; this was just creepy and wrong. It was thoroughly disturbing for Megatron to be forced to witness his treasonous second come on to Vortex like – like some dockside _whore_ – but the Decepticon leader could not tear his horrified optics away from the scene until Thundercracker walked into the control room, saw Vortex leaning over Starscream, and promptly threw himself at the interrogator in a spirited attempt to feed Vortex his own feet while the helicopter was still wearing them.

As Thundercracker beat yet _another_ one of Megatron's troops into the ground, Starscream was joined by Skywarp – who had followed Thundercracker in – and both Seekers were now cooing and twittering appreciatively as their third's savage display.

Enough was enough.

"Soundwave, call for the Constructicons to deal with what's left of Vortex." Megatron snapped, hands clenched on the armrests of his throne, "Then find me and energy source to raid. I need to _crush_ something, and I don't care if it's humans or Autobots at this point."

"Orders: Acknowledged." Soundwave intoned, still curiously observing the actions of the Seekers with all the intensity of a zoologist with a newly discovered species.

It was with some relief that the Decepticons headed out eight cycles later to raid a power plant in eastern Canada. The Decepticon faction as a whole was having a bad slagging _week_ and they really, _really_ wanted to take their collective frustrations out on something – or better yet, some_one_.

You might ask why the Decepticons did not take their grief out on the _cause_ of their pains – that is, take it out on the Seekers – but the rule of thumb among the Decepticon forces was '_never target someone crazier than you are, especially if they outrank you_' with the corollary of '_if they have only recently gone nutters and you do not know why, stay far, far away until you do or someone else fixes it_.'

Megatron had been tempted to leave the Seekers behind – but he was rather concerned about what would happen to his base if he did. At least this way Megatron _knew_ what damage they were doing. And as long as the Seekers stayed up in the air things went smoothly.

Still, it was with some relief that the Decepticons saw the Autobots show up to thwart them. Smelt it, Megatron sounded downright _giddy_ – well it was giddy for him anyway – when he ordered his troops to attack. If the Autobots noticed that their long-time enemies fought with a little extra enthusiasm, they were rather too busy to talk about it. It was noted with thankful astonishment that the Seekers seemed to have reverted to their normal personalities in the midst of battle. There was a small glimmer of hope among the Decepticons at the sight – maybe this fight would set things to rights again.

Their fragile, newborn hopes were soon cruelly dashed by two words: Jet Judo.

Later, the Autobots would reflect on the rather comical manner in which the _entire_ force of Decepticons stared in stupefied horror as Sideswipe and Sunstreaker landed on Starscream and Skywarp, grabbing hold of their wings in preparation for employing their usual insane tactics. In the cringing silence that followed, Thundercracker's war cry was deafening – literally, in the cases of those with more sensitive audios – as the Lamborghini twins were summarily trampled by the whirlwind of roaring fury that had previously been known as Thundercracker. While the Autobots were still stunned by Thundercracker's attack or leaping to pull him off the twins, Megatron ordered the collected energon to be taken back to base. The Decepticons slunk off with their ill-gotten gains while the Autobots were still preoccupied with the Seeker sideshow.

Once back at the Nemesis, Megatron had reached the end of his metaphorical rope.

"Soundwave." Megatron gritted out through clenched denta, watching as the Seekers flitted about in the air around the returning raiding party, "Find out what's going on with the Seekers and _fix it_."

"… Understood." Soundwave hated being a telepath sometimes – it was a useful talent, but it often got him stuck with the 'awkward' jobs like this one. What was Megatron _thinking_? Did he _want_ Soundwave to be brutally mauled for standing too close to Starscream and Skywarp?

… Hold on.

Dull horror crept over Soundwave as he recognized the shape of his doom too late. Starscream was grinning wickedly as a giggling Skywarp dragged his Trineleader over to where Soundwave had frozen in realization. He would have been far safer approaching Thundercracker directly.

"Soundwave." Starscream purred – the surface thoughts Soundwave picked up were a confusing jumble of mischief, arousal, and some strange, formless _intent_ – Starscream swayed further into Soundwave's personal space, "It's been a while since we last had the chance to… chat, hasn't it."

"… Affirmative." Soundwave was now certain that there was something terribly wrong with the world – _Starscream_ did _not_ make _small talk_. _**Ever**_.

"Have you been avoiding us?" Skywarp pouted, and had Soundwave been a lesser mech he would have been undone by that action as Skywarp wibbled expertly, "That's so~ me~ean."

The evil little slaggers knew _exactly_ what they were doing _and_ how much it freaked out the rest of the army, Soundwave could pick out that much from their surface thoughts, but the true root of all the strangeness eluded him. The Seekers had not randomly decided to go insane; there was some deeper reason behind it.

At this point two things proceeded to happen at once.

First: Thundercracker stepped out into the corridor and spotted his trinemates standing with Soundwave and the blue Seeker tensed to leap, deadly intent sharp in his thoughts.

Second: Ratbat came careening around the corner and made a beeline for Soundwave, clinging to his creator's shoulder and squeaking happily at having found him, blissfully unaware of the rapidly approaching doom.

Curiously, this caused Thundercracker to pause in his single-minded approach. Homicide was no longer the dominant thought as the blue Seeker paced a circle around Soundwave, Ratbat, and the other two Seekers, staring at the telepath with a considering expression. Soundwave was justifiably confused by his continued unharmed state, which persisted even as Thundercracker put a hand on the telepath's chest and leaned in, optics half-shuttered as blue claws gently kneaded Soundwave's chest. Holding very, very still, Soundwave wished he knew what the _frag_ was going on.

His wish was granted – in a way – by dint of Thundercracker's mindset abruptly changing gears from wrath to lust.

The events that followed forever earned that particular assignment the top spot on Soundwave's list of '_Fun Investigations Soundwave Would Do Again_'. Especially since it involved the most pleasantly exhausting, and downright _kinkiest_ bout of interfacing Soundwave had ever had the joy of experiencing. The Seekers were without a doubt the most creative, enthusiastic and endlessly energetic lovers that Soundwave had ever been with. (And while Ratbat was a bit confused about why Creator had locked him in the Cassettacon's playroom, at least he avoided an impromptu lesson in Cybertronian reproduction that would probably have scarred the poor little thing for life.)

So it was a very happy, smug, stated and pleased with himself Soundwave that reported to Megatron five cycles later.

"… _What_ did you say?" Megatron looked like he dearly wanted to accuse Soundwave of playing a joke on him – except that Soundwave did not 'joke'.

"Seeker abnormal behaviour: Caused by activation of creation cycle." Soundwave repeated himself patiently, "Aggression of units Thundercracker and Dirge: Caused by imperative to defend territory and rights to spark carriers from interlopers."

"Are you telling me that _four_ of my Elite air troops are…" Megatron could not finish the sentence.

"Newspark carriers. Femmes." Soundwave supplied helpfully, "Seeker trines: Result of procreation imperative. Trinebond: Altered form of mating bond. Ability to breed: Cyclical. Carriers receptivity causes increased aggression in mech Seekers to prevent theft of femmes by other mechs."

Idly, Soundwave wondered if he should tell Megatron that the only reason Soundwave had discovered this was because his ability to split his spark had left him with a spark signature Thundercracker had identified as 'femme'. Which predictably enough had gotten the telepath 'claimed' by the mech Seeker – they really had nothing on their minds right now beyond mating and sparklings. All the fighting and acting out were simply courtship displays – which, Soundwave thought in amusement, might just upset Megatron _more_.

"I will not put up with having _over half my air force_ distracted by raising weak, pathetic, _helpless_ sparklings! I will terminate the parasites _myself_ before I stand for it!" Megatron roared, hand closed around a struggling Soundwave's throat in furious reflex – and a livid blue Seeker promptly flattened the ranting warlord. The sonic boom released at point-blank range shattered Megatron's optics and broke no few of his gyros – Thundercracker was being rather more savage than in Soundwave's previous observations, and while normally even a berserker Thundercracker would be no trouble for Megatron, the Decepticon leader was blind and off balance and Thundercracker gave him no opening at all to recover.

"He shouldn't have touched you." Starscream purred as he came up beside Soundwave, "Or threatened to hurt the sparklings. Thundercracker will probably kill him for that."

"Ah." Soundwave was a bit shaken still – Megatron had never raised his hand to Soundwave before – on one hand that was his leader getting torn apart, but then again, Megatron _had_ just tried to strangle him…

"Isn't 'Cracker hot when he gets all snarly and possessive like that?" Skywarp cooed with a dreamy little sigh as Megatron's fusion cannon – arm still attached – went flying across the room.

"Mm." Starscream hummed in agreement, "I love it when he gets protective, the 'facing is _amazing_ when he's angry."

… Put that way, it was hard to muster any notions of pulling Thundercracker off of his victim – a consideration that was rendered moot as Thundercracker ripped Megatron's spark chamber out and stomped on it – Soundwave had to admire the blue Seeker, all savage grace and power, wings high, optics bright, intakes heaving as he snarled in victorious satisfaction and turned to them – oh yes, Soundwave would see very well why Starscream and Skywarp had made a game out of inciting Thundercracker into jealous rages.

"Berth. Now." Thundercracker hissed, herding his femmes back to their quarters.

Soundwave cast one last look at the shattered, greyed-out remains of Megatron – but it was probably for the best that it ended this way, now that he thought about it – there was no way that Megatron would have allowed the war to end without completely destroying his enemies, nor would he have even considered making a treaty with the Autobots. Soundwave shook his head, placing hand over his chest as a rather homicidal looking Thundercracker chivvied him along towards the officer's quarters.

After all, the middle of a war was no place to be raising sparklings.

Chuckling, Soundwave had to ask the question, "Query: Is Thundercracker now Supreme Ruler of Decepticons?"

**_END_**

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Notes: I've already posted this on my LJ, but figured that I might as well share the love that is the oneshot. I _might_ write more for this fic, like an epilouge or crack extras, but don't count on it. Hope you all enjoyed the crazy. Please leave a review if you have an opinion to express or just want to let me know what you think of my writing. I'd really appreciate it. Ta, darlings.


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